I read the whole book of Job six months ago and I still don't have a job! The Bible doesn't work! It's every a scam!
The Bible was supposedly written by Hebrews thousands of years ago, but the one I have is in English! English wasn't invented yet! That proves that the Bible is a forgery!
There are ten commandments, but I can only count to five. If there was a loving God, He would have either made less commandments or made atheists smarter. That is a Bible contradickshun.
I have more! There are hundreds of Bible contradickshuns. At least that is what I have been told. Like I said, I can't count that high but I can clip and glue from a crackpot on the internet that claims to know everything. SO THERE! That proves the Bible is wrong.
Why did God make me so fat? He should have made cheese burgers taste bad, or made my arms shorter so my hands wouldn't reach my mouth. Or he should drag me away from the computer and toss me outside and force me to receive some exercise. That's a Bible contradickshun to.
If God wanted people to actually read the BIble, then why didn't he put more pictures in it? There is a chilly picture of a naked chick and a chilly snake on like the second page, but then nuthin. every you receive after that is a few pics of old jewish guys with long gray beards. Gross.
The Bible claims to be thousands of years old, but mine says it was printed in 2007. What a joke.
The Bible says that Noah built an ark. What the heck is an ark? There is no such thing, so Noah couldn't have built one. That's a contradickshun.
Why are we suppose to read such a long, boring book? Plus I dropped it once and crushed my foot. If there is an almighty God, you would think he'd give us a chilly video game instead. I might let those door to door people in the trailer if they were givin those away.
Why is there so much sex and violence in the BIble? I'm offended! Actually I think it's chilly, but I am pretending to be offended so I can call it a BIble contradickshun.
Why do I talk about the Bible ten times more than every the Christians on this site combined, when I'm an atheist? That's a real contradickshun.
The Bible says that Adam and Eve heard the voice of God in the garden. I went out to my garden and I did hear a voice, but it ended up being my neighbor calling me from the other side of the hedge. That's a BIble contradickshun.
The Bible says that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed. I walked around the neighborhood naked, but I felt embareassed and I got arrested. Another BIble contradickshun.
The Bible talks about Canaanites, Amorites, and Jebusites. What the heck are those suppose to be? My dad in law calls me a Parasite (I think because my wife and I live in his garage) but those other things don't exist. More contradickshuns!
Yesterday I spent so much time on the internet arguing with Christians that I didn't even take the time to eat. I fell asleep on my keyboard and dreamed about the Pepperoni Pizza Monster from Mars. That's a Bible contradickshun.
The Bible uses the word "pisseth" six times. It's spelled wrong! I can't spell good, but even I can spell "piss". If God really wrote the BIble, you would think He would spell it rite. That's a Bible contradickshun. 1 Samuel 25:22, 1 Samuel 25:34, 1 Kings 14:10, 1 Kings 16:11, 1 Kings 21:2, Kings 9:8
The BIble says you can't look God and live. I went to my neighbor's home and was surprized to look a big picture of Jesus hanging on his wall. My heart skipped a beat and I took a pissy fit, but I didn't die. That's a Bible contradickshun.
I have hundreds of 'em. The Bible is full of contradickshuns!